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Think🤔.... to smile 😊

1. A programmer had been missing from work over a week when finally someone noticed and called the cops.  They went round his flat and broke the door down.  They found him dead in the still running shower with an empty bottle of shampoo next to his body.  Apparently he'd been washing his hair.  The instructions on the bottle said : *Wet hair* Apply shampoo *wait for 2 minutes* Rinse * Repeat 😊
2. After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers.  "I'm busy," he said.  "I'll do the next one."  The next time came around and she asked again.  The husband narrowed his eyes as he looked at his wife.  "I didn't mean the next diaper.  I meant the next baby."
3. A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.  "Wow", says the bar attender.  "That is really nice, where did you get it?" - "Africa", says the parrot
4. A boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.  "Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?" She told him, "because he was conceived during a mighty storm."  Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?", She replied, "well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her".  "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?"  The mother said, "we were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."  Mother paused and asked her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber why are you so curious?"
5. A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening.  Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it.  When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the performance.  The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter.  When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and starts again.  The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times.  During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.  So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed.....and finds four Chinese men.

Think Aloud

 It's true that we don't know what we have got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.  It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride.  Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you. What do you do when the only person that can stop you crying, is the person that made you cry?

It hurts to love someone and not to be loved in return.  But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.  May be God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally do meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

We spend so much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead, we should be perfecting the love we give.  Some thoughts are better left unsaid, some feelings are better left kept to yourself, but love has its way of expressing itself despite the silence.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back.  Don't expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their hearts;  but if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours.  It takes a minute to a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget to someone.

When you truly care for someone, you don't look for faults... you don't look for answers, you don't look for mistakes.  Instead, you fight the mistakes, you accept the faults, and you overlook excuses.  The measure of love is when you love without measure.  In life, there are very rare chances that you'll meet the person you love and who loves you in return.  So once you have it, don't ever let go.  The chance might never some your way again.

You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters.  If you want to go on, then you have to leave your past as you turn the pages of life.  Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

Love comes to those who still hope even though they have been disappointed; to those who still believe even though they have been betrayed; to those who still need love even though they have been hurt before.  The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not twist them with our own image - otherwise, we love only our own reflection of ourselves that we find in them.

Never say goodbye when you still want to try - never give up when you still feel you can take it - never say you don't love that person anymore when you don't really want to let go. Friendship begins with a smile, Love begins with a kiss, Life ends with a tear; The brightest future will always be based on forgotten past.  You can't get on well in life until you let go of your past failures and headaches.  Everything is ok in the end; If it's not ok it's not the end.

Proverbs

1. Never judge a book by its cover
2. If you want a thing done well, do it yourself
3. Life is life a camera, face it with a smile
4. In prosperity our friends know us.  In adversity we know our friends.
5. Speech is silver, silence is Golden
6. If you lie upon roses when young, you will lie upon thorns when old.
7. They conquer who believe they can
8. Silence is the safety zone of conversation 
9. Character is like white paper; if once blotted, it can hardly ever be made to appear as white as before
10. If you always keep judging a person, you will never find time to love them
11. It is very simple to be happy.  It is very difficult to be simple
12. Memories of the past and expectations of the future causes pain, anxiety and fear
13. Learn from the mistakes of others, you have no time to do them all yourself
14. Wise men learn from other man's mistakes and Fools by their own
15. God gives every bird its food, but does not throw it in to the nest itself
16. Worry is the interest you pay on a loan you had never taken
17. In a conversation, one who speaks dominates and one who listens controls it
18. One of the most curious mistakes is to think that man derives happiness from being idle
19. Good painting is like good cooking; it can be tasted, but not explained
20. Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which they never shows to anybody
21. If it is difficult to find happiness in oneself, it is difficult to find anywhere else
22. If you tell a man anything, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.  If you tell a woman anything, it goes in both the ears and comes out of her mouth.
23. Whoever cares to learn will always find a teacher
24. Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action
25. You are not punished for the sin, but you are punished by the sin
26. The season of failure is the best time for sowing the seeds of success
27. Know how to listen, you will profit even from those who talk badly
28. There are only two ways of getting on in the world, by one's own industry or by the stupidity of others
29. It is not addition of possessions, but subtraction of desires which promotes happiness
30. Great souls have wills; feeble souls have only wishes
31. There are some silent people who are more interesting than the best talkers
32. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind
33. Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen
34. Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking
35. Science without humanity, commerce without morality and education without character is useless and dangerous 
36. It is the mind which spoils a word and not the word which spoils the mind
37. We don't plan to fail; we fail to plan
38. Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first time or last time.  Then your time on earth will be filled with glory
39. Don't just exist - LIVE; Don't just touch - FEEL, Don't just look - OBSERVE, Don't just read - OBSORB, Don't just hear - LISTEN, Don't just listen - UNDERSTAND
40. Winners never quit; quitters never win
41. Good habits are hard to come by but easy to live with.  Bad habits come easy but hard to live with
42. Happiness depends upon what you give and not what you get
43. Happiness has a strange arithmetic, the more you divide it, the more it multiples
44. We lose our health in the process of earning money and lose our money to regain our health
45. A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple
46. An idle mind is the devil's workshop
47. Follow no one, but learn from everyone
48. A young man who graduated yesterday and stopped learning today, will become uneducated tomorrow
49. Love is moral even without legal marriage, but marriage is immoral without love
50. One machine may do the work of fifty ordinary men.  But, no machine can do the work of the extra-ordinary men.
51. All men make mistakes, only the fools repeat
52. To find out what a man really is, find out what he does when he has nothing to do
53. The man who thinks he can do anything without the world is indeed  mistaken; but the man who thinks the world cannot do without him is mistaken even worse
54. Money and science is a good servant, but a bad master
55. Necessity is the mother of invention 
56. One who knows to obey who knows to command
57. Do not cloud your eyes with tears, if you miss an opportunity.  Keep your vision clear so that you will not miss the next one
58. An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity.  A pessimist sees calamity in every opportunity.
59. Recession is when a neighbor loses his job, depression is when you lose yours
60. Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character
61. Reading without reflecting is like eating without digesting 
62. In taking revenge, a man is but equal to his enemy but in passing it over, he is superior 
63. Keep a secret, it is your slave.  Tell it, and it is your master
64. A ship is safe while in harbor, but that is not for they are built
65. Solitude (loneliness) is a good place to visit but a poor place to stay
66. Study as if you were to live for ever, live as if you were to die tomorrow
67. Crafty (cunning) men condemn studies; simple men admire them; wise men use them
68. You never know what you can do till you do
69. A thing when lost is valued more
70. Winners don't do different things, they do things differently
71. If you want to succeed in life, don't stare on the steps; steps on the stairs
72. If  a tailor makes a mistake, it creates a new fashion; If a parent makes a mistake, it creates a new generation; If a politician makes a mistake, it creates a new law
73. True Friendship is like a rubber band, it is too flexible, how much every you want you can stretch it; but when you leave it, pains a lot
74. Who is a friend?
• A push when you are stopped
• A touch when you are lost
• A word when you are quiet
• A smile when you are sad
• A shoulder when you cry
75. Friendship is like the relation between the hand and eyes.  Its like when hand gets hurt the eye cries and when the eye cries the hand wipes its tears
76. When time comes for you to give your heart, give to someone who will never break it, because broken hearts have no spares
77. Past is experience; Present is experiment; Future is expectation - so, your experience in your experiment for your expectations to come true
78. One day love asked friendship "Why are you here when I am in the world?"  Friendship smiled and said, "Am here to spread smile where you leave tears"
79. If God answers your prayer he is increasing your faith; If he delays your prayer he is increasing your patience; If he doesn't answer, he has something better
80. If you love someone, but your someone loves some other one, you be the same someone like before.  Because time will come for your someone to realize that you are not just someone but THE ONE
81. I have 3 letters H, R, T.  If I add E, A I'll get HEART.  If I add U, I'll get HURT.  I'll prefer to add U and get HURT, because what can I do with a HEART without U
82. The golden words are, "DONT CRY IN LOVE", because for whom you cry doesn't deserve your tears and the person who deserves will never let you cry
83. To have GOD in life doesn't mean sailing in a boat with no storms; rather it means having a boat which no storm can sink
84. The beauty of life doesn't depends upon how happy you are; but on how happy other are because of you

Optimist Vs Pessimist

 The optimist is always the part of the answer

The pessimist is always the part of the problem

The optimist always have the things done

The pessimist always have an excuse

The optimist says "Lets do the Job"

The pessimist says "It is not my Job"

The optimist sees answer in every problem

The pessimist sees problem in every answer

The optimist says "It may be difficult, but it is possible"

The pessimist says "It may be possible, but it is very difficult"

The optimist says, "I must do something"

The pessimist says, "Something must be done"

The optimist sees the gain in pan.

The pessimist sees the pain in gain.

Value of TIME

 To realize the value of one year, ask a student who failed a Grade

To realize the value of one month, ask a mother who gave birth to a pre-mature baby

To realize the value of one week, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper

To realize the value of one hour, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet

To realize the value of one minute, ask a person who has missed a train

To realize the value of one second, ask a person who escaped from an accident

To realize the value of one millisecond, ask a person who won a silver medal in the Olympics

Types of Marriage

Case 1 - Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that first.

Case 2 - At the cocktail party one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" the other replied "yes, I am. I married the wrong man"

Case 3 - Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished.

Case 4 - Marriage is an institution in which a man looses his bachelors degree and the woman gets her master's status

Case 5 - A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it"

Case 6 - Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife untill he marries her?". Dad : "That happens in most countries son"

Case 7 - Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late"

Case 8 - Happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and wife takes

Case 9 - When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10 year married man looks happy, we wonder why?

Case 10 - Marriedlife is very frustrating. in the first year of marriage the man speaks and the woman listens.  In the second year the women speaks and the man listens.  In the third year, they both speaks and the neighbours listens

Case 11 - After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you.". And the husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it"

Case 12 - A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife wanted".  The next day, he received hundreds of letters.  They all said same thing - "you can have mine"

Case 13 - When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or his wife.

Case 14 - A woman was telling his friend: "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." 

"And what was he before you married him?'

The women replied "A multi-millionaire"

What is Marriage?

Marriage is not a word.  It is a sentance... (A life sentence)

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over the strings are attached

Marriage is love.

Love is blind.

Marriage is an institution.

Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind

Marriage requires a man to prepare 5 types of RINGS 

THE ENGAGEMENT RING 

THE WEDDING RING 

THE SUFFERING 

THE ENDURING 

THE TORTURING

cute sarcasm

The more you learn the more you know 

The more you know the more you forget

The more you forget the less you know 

so why learn

If your father is a poor man it is your fate 

if your father in law is a poor man...it is your stupidity

I was born intelligent - Education ruined me

A bus station is where a bus stops 

The train station is were train stops 

on my desk I have a workstation 

what more can I say

If it's true that we are here to help others, what exactly are the others here for

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak

How come abbreviated he such a long word?

Money is not everything

There is MasterCard and Visa

One should love animals

They are so tasty

Save water - shower with your girlfriend

Love thy neighbour - but don't get caught

Behind every successful man there is a woman and behind every unsuccessful man there are two

Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life

The wise never marry.

And when they marry they become otherwise

Success is a relative term, it brings so many relatives

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today

Love is photogenic.  It needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents.

Accidents in backseats cause children

Your future depends on your dreams - so goto sleep

There should be a better way to start a day than walking up every morning

Hard work never killed anybody - but why take the risk

Work fascinates me - I can look at it for hours

God made relatives, Thank God we can choose our friends

When Two's company, Three's the result

A dress is a like barbed fence,

It protects the premises without restricting the view

Definitions

Cigarette - a pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.

Divorce - Future tense of marriage

Lecture - An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Compromise - The art of dividing a cake in such a way the everybody believes he got the biggest piece

Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power

Dictionary - A place where divorce comes before marriage

Confrence room - A place very very body talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

Classic - A book which everyone praises but do not read

Smile - A curve that can set lot of things straight

Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life

Yawn - The only time.when some married men ever get to open their mouth

Etc. - A sign to make others beleive that you know more than you actually do

Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together 

Experience - The name people give to their mistakes

Atom Bomb - An invention to end all inventions

Philosopher - A fool who tormets himself during life, to be spoken of when dead

Diplomat - A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually looks forward to the trip

Opportunist - A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river

Optimist - A person who while falling from Effiel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet"

Pessimist - A person who says O is the last letter in RO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY

Miser - A person who lives poor so that he can die rich 

Father - A banker provided by nature

Criminal - A person no different from the rest, except that he got caught

Boss - Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Politician - One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after

Doctor - A person who kills your illa by pills, and kills you with his bills

Love Affairs - Something like cricket where one day internationals are more popular than a five day test match

College - A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing

Tears - the hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power

Ecstasy - A feeling when you feel your going to feel a feeling you have never felt before

There is always a better way

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet.  He held up a sign board which said I AM BLIND, PLEASE HELP

There were only few coins in the hat.  A man was walking by, took the sign board and wrote something and put it back; after that the hat began to fill up with more coins, i.e. lot more people were giving money to blind boy.

Following day, the boy recognised the man who made changes in his sign board by his footsteps sound and asked him "What did you write?"

The man replied "I wrote only the truth, but said in different way" what he had written was TODAY IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY AND I CANNOT SEE IT

Both meant the same, but the first one simply told the boy was blind while the second meant, while other people was able to enjoy the beauty of the day, the boy couldn't enjoy because he was blind.

What does Absence means?

When your ABSENCE is unnoticed, it means you are unwanted

When your ABSENCE is noticed, it means you are EXPECTED 

When your ABSENCE is questioned, it tests your ability to give EXCUSES 

Only when your ABSENCE is felt, it means your PRESENCE IS REALLY MISSED 

Learn to write in Sand

Two friends were walking through the desert.  In specific point of journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face 

The one, who got slapped, was hurt, but without anything to say, he wrote in the sand : "TODAY, MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE".

They kept on walking, until they found and Oasis, where they decided to take a bath.  The one who got slapped and hurt started drowning and other friend saved him.  When he recovered from the fright, he wrote on a stone : "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE".

The friend who saved and slapped his best friend, asked him, "why after I hurt you, you wrote this sand, and now you write on a stone?"

The other friend, smiled and replied "when a friend hurts us, we should write in the sand, where the wind of forgiveness get in charge of erasing it away, and when something great happens, we should engrave it in the stone of the memory of the heart, where no wind can erase it."